A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S.  Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.

The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”.  I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ‘s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.

What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of  “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!

Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are  proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!

When you are on a plane and you hit turbulence, the oxygen masks drops…….what do they say..”Always put yours on first”…..it’s the same thing, take care of YOU first….then and only then can you help someone sitting next to you…!!

It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that’s because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.

For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.

As a teenager it’s almost an unwritten law to question authority and work against the parental units, because it’s cool. It’s cool because as teenagers we think that mom and dad are “square” and if you are “square”, by definition you know very little.

So now comes the dilemma –“ HOW ” can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.

So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on “automatic pilot”, so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the “teen brain” is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I’ve tried to communicate with them, but “they/ the offspring” won’t “let me in”.

I always say: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got”. Think OUTSIDE the box this time.

Create “date night”. This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:

(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other “gripe issues” they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).

(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.

(7.) if date night is say Tuesday…..make it every Tuesday.

When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to “get it together” mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.

After all, it’s not always the message they choose to ignore, it’s the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.

This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more…….because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn’t care HOW they get the message.

In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!

Whenever I talk to troubled teens about depression, lack of motivation, self-esteem, self confidence, dealing with setbacks, or even body image issues…….one thing is for certain, it’s their past……and at the present time it’s all they know. It’s all they recognize. Everything else is elusive.

On one hand it’s important to understand, appreciate and recognize where we’ve been, and on the other, we have to be open for a journey that we’ve never taken, but trust that it’s where we want to go.

It’s like the expression that the past is history, the future’s a mystery, but today is the present–open it like one..!! The assessment model we complete will address where we’ve been. For example, if a teen issue is poor grades, there is a reson (or maybe the lack thereof). It could be anything from poor attitude to poor time management, to maybe poor nutrition. Honestly, it’s almost never that they do not have the capability.

The ability to change is not in question, it’s the desire. I always say that life is like a pendulum and swings between pleasure and pain. When the pain get’s to be too much….you automatically swing the other way. The first step is acknowledgement, the second is action.

Are you ready to take action?….if YES………………..wait for tomorrow’s blog…..we’ll get started.

Many teens as well as parents approach me and ask; “Is the  Success4Teens, aka Formula for Success a self- help DVD”. Well first, one has to ask what is self- help..? When defining such a term, it’s assumed that there is something in one’s life that’s NOT working, at least not working the way they want things to work.

Troubled teens are faced with a multitude of issues, such as depression, lack of motivation, issues with their self-esteem and confidence, drugs, booze, even issues with their perception of their “body” and weight loss issues.

The DVD Success4teens covers the fundamentals of How to get it together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Each is a lesson in and of itself, and all together is like the “three legged stool”…if one leg is not working, the stool will not function.

It can be overwhelming as to exactly where to begin. The head needs to be on straight, so let’s start with the mental part. This section works with the issues of goal setting, time management, how to deal with setbacks and How to create that “all illusive” positive mental attitude.

Tomorrow we will begin at the beginning…….stay tuned….!!

I was asked recently what I thought was the most important part of my dvd “Formula for Success” and for me the answer was simple it all has to do with “attitude”.

Within the “Formula” there are two sections that deal with this topic specifically…….the first is PMA or Positive Mental Attitude and the second is Dealing with Setbacks.

The art of Happiness is born in the mind, cultured in experience and developed only by practice. William Shakespeare said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Your personal philosophy determines how you respond to events that come into your life. It is completely responsible for your state of happiness and well-being. Although you may find this a little hard to believe, your personal philosophy also determines what happens to you.

What happens to events in your life is governed by your mindset.

Think like a railroad switch. Each time an event occurs, you channel the activity onto the positive or negative track. Even though the event hurt you, you are still in charge of channeling it onto a positive or negative track…….only YOU can determine its future outcome.

Before I had this concept mastered (and I’m still working it) I would find that taking an event (say divorce) and channeling it to the negative track………would eventually have me “coming and going to the dark side. In fact, I would also get physically ill…..(see my previous blog on the importance of the body-mind connection).

So now you are saying ok Bill, “What are you suppose to do when you get divorce……party???  Well, yes in a way. To reach the goal of happiness, act as though the following statement is true: “Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me”. Like the equation of 1+1=2. That statement + new results = Happiness.

I know this seems like a lot to absorb, but trust me, working the brain is just like working any other muscle in the body. It’s choice and the decision is totally in your hands.

Always ask yourself….”Are you living or are you surviving”….!!!!

I hate to admit this, but I was way beyond my teen years when I discovered the connection between the mind (my thoughts) and the body (getting sick). I am happy to say I have not been sick for twenty (20) years and have had NO medication (other than an occasional aspirin) in my body.

In my blog I talk about the need for a PMA or positive mental attitude, but today I want to talk about the basics for teens to develop great “emotional health”.

Teens with good emotional health are aware of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. They have learned healthy ways to cope with the stress and problems that are a normal part of life. They feel good about themselves and have healthy relationships.

However, many things that happen in our lives that can disrupt our emotional health and lead to strong feelings of sadness, stress or anxiety. Like coping with divorce in the family, grades, not being popular, not having friends, not happy with your body image, not knowing where you are headed in life.

Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. This is often called the “mind/body connection.” When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right. For example, high blood pressure or a stomach ulcer might develop after a particularly stressful event, such as the death of a family member.

Poor emotional health can weaken your body’s immune system, making you more likely to get colds and other infections during emotionally difficult times. Also, when you are feeling stressed, anxious or upset, you may not take care of your health as well as you should. You may not feel like exercising, eating nutritious foods or taking medicine that your doctor prescribes. Abuse of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs may also be a sign of poor emotional health.

If you’re negative feelings don’t go away and are so strong that they keep you from enjoying life, it’s especially important for you to talk to your doctor. You may have what doctors call “major depression.” Depression is a medical illness that can be treated with individualized counseling, medicine or with both.

Some Solutions

First, try to recognize your emotions and understand why you are having them. Sorting out the causes of sadness, stress and anxiety in your life can help you manage your emotional health. The following are some other helpful tips.

Express your feelings in appropriate ways. If feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety are causing physical problems, keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse. It’s OK to let your loved ones know when something is bothering you. However, keep in mind that your family and friends may not be able to help you deal with your feelings appropriately. At these times, ask someone outside the situation–such as your family doctor, a counselor or a religious advisor–for advice and support to help you improve your emotional health.

Live a balanced life. Try not to obsess about the problems at school or home that lead to negative feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy when you feel stressed, anxious or upset. It’s important to deal with these negative feelings, but try to focus on the positive things in your life too. You may want to use a journal to keep track of things that make you feel happy or peaceful. Some research has shown that having a positive outlook can improve your quality of life and give your health a boost. You may also need to find ways to let go of some things in your life that make you feel stressed and overwhelmed. Make time for things you enjoy.

Develop resilience. People with resilience are able to cope with stress in a healthy way. Resilience can be learned and strengthened with different strategies. These include having social support, keeping a positive view of yourself, accepting change, and keeping things in perspective.

Calm your mind and body. Relaxation methods, such as meditation, are useful ways to bring your emotions into balance. Meditation is a form of guided thought. It can take many forms. For example, you may do it by exercising, stretching or breathing deeply.

Take care of yourself. To have good emotional health, it’s important to take care of your body by having a regular routine for eating healthy meals, getting enough sleep and exercising to relieve pent-up tension. Avoid overeating and don’t abuse drugs or alcohol. Using drugs or alcohol just causes other problems, such as family and health problems.

Just to recap, we have addressed what we are grateful for, we have addressed our fears, today we will address the part of the “game plan” that will address the things we have going for us, and HOW to capitalize on them.

In my DVD Success4Teens, I say that 95% of the people on the planet are NOT successful and 5% are successful. The attributes that the successful people have include but are not limited to: desire, determination, persistence, patience,  great habits and hard work. So when we put a pen to paper to list our strengths, they all have to be accompanied by the aforementioned attributes.

To begin with, we have to be able to identify a “need in the marketplace”. We are about to re-invent ourselves, and we have to be able to ask WHY ! The why — will be our ability to idenity a soft spot in the marketplace that needs to be filled. AND WE ARE THE ONES TO FILL IT !!

Next, we want to surround ourselves with a Board of Advisers that will endorse or deny our plan, a type of “sound check”. These folks will be people that have experience in business and are not “YES MEN” (or women).

The best way to begin our journey is to begin with developing a  Business Plan (I have an outline- if anyone needs one). This will clearly outline the strengths/weaknesses/threats/and opportunities of our new launch.

Tomorrow we will continue with the drive and determination aspects of what is needed to be successful.

We left off with the understanding of the things we are grateful for, once we have accomplished this list we are ready to move forward with our “game plan”. Our game plan involves understanding , appreciating and executing the two forces that will make us successful at reinventing ourselves. One of these forces is coming from the “light” (positive) and the other is coming from the “dark” (negative).

To begin with I always use the expression: “If you always do, what you have always done, you’ll always get, what you’ve always got”. Let’s acknowledge we want something different, because whatever we had AIN”T WORKING…!!

Let’s get the negative out of the way today…!! I think the biggest obstacle from the dark side is FEAR. Yes, fear of doing something that we won’t be successful at accomplishing. Oddly enough, it can also be fear of “succeeding” and making it happen. In both cases it is the fear of the “unknown”….what’s actually behind the door. FEAR is paralyzing, it stops us in our tracks. It inhibits inspiration, motivation and drive.

AS I mentioned in my DVD Success4teens, under the “Dealing with Setbacks” Section….we all live in our own “comfort circles” where it’s like a warm blanket. However, in this world, IF we are to be successful at anything, we have to take RISKS…..and that means stepping outside our comfort circle where it’s cold. There are no options.

So for today, let’s examine our own FEARS, and put pen to paper and write them down. This is important because tomorrow we are going to take this list and invert these fears into opportunities…….STAY TUNED…!!!!

To continue from yesterday’s blog, our first step is to create a “game plan”. But before we do that, it’s very important to focus on what we have as oppose to what we don’t have.

As many of you know I am on the Board of ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). Each Board member adopts a PALS Family. The family I visited was a husband and wife who had been married (2nd marriage for each) for less than 10 years. The husband came down with this dreaded disease shortly after they were married. He was a former pilot with United Airlines. Today, he can not do anything for himself, not eat, bathe, walk, nothing. In fact his wife and nurses have to drain the saliva from his mouth every couple minutes, in order to breathe . My visit to their world was “surreal”, and it immediately brought back memories of watching my mom suffering with chemo treatments.

So before we start with our “game plan”, I want you to write down the things you are grateful for, be it your sight, your ability to walk, your ability to speak/communicate, whatever. I want you to take this list and post it near your bed so it’s the last thing you see when you go to bed and the first thing you see when you awake. Once this is complete you will have developed a “foundation”.

Tomorrow we will start with the “game plan”…..BUT today we must ask our-self…  “ARE WE LIVING OR ARE WE SURVIVING”….?

This economy has been a challenge to almost everyone I come in contact with. Even the Boards I sit on be it private industry or even charitable Foundations, they all have the challenge of staying in business.

These tough times are the BEST times to take a step back and  “reinvent yourself” ..!! So many people approach me to tell me how unhappy they are in their jobs. The pressure, the hours, the co-workers with a poor attitudes, etc.   You know, we all live in our own “comfort circle” where it’s warm and the  idea of leaving scares us. We become accustomed to “status-quo”, plus we don’t have to deal with the “fear factor” of stepping out and failing at something new…….so we STAY. We stay in a world that is NOT making us happy, but we are paralyzed to make a change.

To reinvent yourself starts with an assesment of (a.) what makes you happy, and (b.) where your strengths and weakness lie. Tomorrow we will continue with the creation of a “plan of action”………!!!