It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that’s because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.

For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.

As a teenager it’s almost an unwritten law to question authority and work against the parental units, because it’s cool. It’s cool because as teenagers we think that mom and dad are “square” and if you are “square”, by definition you know very little.

So now comes the dilemma –“ HOW ” can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.

So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on “automatic pilot”, so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the “teen brain” is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I’ve tried to communicate with them, but “they/ the offspring” won’t “let me in”.

I always say: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got”. Think OUTSIDE the box this time.

Create “date night”. This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:

(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other “gripe issues” they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).

(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.

(7.) if date night is say Tuesday…..make it every Tuesday.

When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to “get it together” mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.

After all, it’s not always the message they choose to ignore, it’s the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.

This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more…….because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn’t care HOW they get the message.

In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!

Whenever I talk to troubled teens about depression, lack of motivation, self-esteem, self confidence, dealing with setbacks, or even body image issues…….one thing is for certain, it’s their past……and at the present time it’s all they know. It’s all they recognize. Everything else is elusive.

On one hand it’s important to understand, appreciate and recognize where we’ve been, and on the other, we have to be open for a journey that we’ve never taken, but trust that it’s where we want to go.

It’s like the expression that the past is history, the future’s a mystery, but today is the present–open it like one..!! The assessment model we complete will address where we’ve been. For example, if a teen issue is poor grades, there is a reson (or maybe the lack thereof). It could be anything from poor attitude to poor time management, to maybe poor nutrition. Honestly, it’s almost never that they do not have the capability.

The ability to change is not in question, it’s the desire. I always say that life is like a pendulum and swings between pleasure and pain. When the pain get’s to be too much….you automatically swing the other way. The first step is acknowledgement, the second is action.

Are you ready to take action?….if YES………………..wait for tomorrow’s blog…..we’ll get started.

Many teens as well as parents approach me and ask; “Is the  Success4Teens, aka Formula for Success a self- help DVD”. Well first, one has to ask what is self- help..? When defining such a term, it’s assumed that there is something in one’s life that’s NOT working, at least not working the way they want things to work.

Troubled teens are faced with a multitude of issues, such as depression, lack of motivation, issues with their self-esteem and confidence, drugs, booze, even issues with their perception of their “body” and weight loss issues.

The DVD Success4teens covers the fundamentals of How to get it together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Each is a lesson in and of itself, and all together is like the “three legged stool”…if one leg is not working, the stool will not function.

It can be overwhelming as to exactly where to begin. The head needs to be on straight, so let’s start with the mental part. This section works with the issues of goal setting, time management, how to deal with setbacks and How to create that “all illusive” positive mental attitude.

Tomorrow we will begin at the beginning…….stay tuned….!!

A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S.  Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.

The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”.  I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ’s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.

What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of  “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!

Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are  proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!

Over the years many moms and dads have asked me to motivate their teens. I think I am consistent when I say nobody can motivate someone “only inspire”. What I mean by this is— motivation comes from within oneself —how it gets there- is through inspiration and education.

When I developed “Formula for Success” it was to take the elements of mental, physical and spiritual and devise a “game plan” for success. As I always say if one of the legs on this 3 legged stool is missing it will not stand.

Inspiration comes in many formats. The two extremes are coming from the light or even coming from the dark (FEAR). Either way one can be successful if their goals are realistic and attainable. For example, one young man I dealt with had a fear of being poor and became motivated to “make it happen”. It was not that he had a desire to be rich–it was prompted by the fact he did not want to be poor.

Kids I speak to in college and High School have different reasons for wanting to be successful and that’s fine. It all starts with a “roadmap” a “game plan” –a call to action.

The quote on the back of my business card says: There are only three types of people in this world : Those that “make it happen”, those that “watch it happen” and those that say “WHAT happened”?

Which one are you??

Employing teens has always come with challenges, and that’s more true today than ever! Raised while multi-tasking on life’s super technology highway, they can confuse, complicate and, at times, consternate.
The truth is every generation thinks higher of their own performance of when they were teens. How soon we all forget. Still, the reality for many businesses is teens are the employees closest to the customer… the face of their company! To remain competitive and maximize profits, it’s essential that employers capture, leverage and contribute to the skills that teens can bring to the workplace. But that requires change on the employers’ part.
This is an age group, most born since 1990, whose entire lives have been enveloped in a world of technology, information and communication change, as well as major cultural and societal shifts. Less attention has been given to personal responsibility, and basic work ethics are not taught in school or at home. They simply have never heard about the importance of being on time and in uniform, giving respect to a supervisor, communicating clearly, making eye contact or job commitment significance.
So what’s an employer to do? Plenty! The following are guidelines to an effective strategy to working with teens. We call it catching “WAVES.”
Way of life: This is about improving the workplace environment. Appreciate the fact that young staff members are the way they are. It’s not wrong, it’s not right, it just is. Meet them where they are. Allow some failure. Don’t focus on what they’ve done wrong. Build your relationship by encouraging them on what they are doing right. They can become fiercely loyal if they are taken seriously and treated with respect.
First impressions mean everything. Be welcoming, provide social events and emphasize fun. Celebrate their successes, not those just from the workplace, but learn where they excel away from work. Make a connection with their parents, families and friends.
Attitude: They come with an attitude of independence and “what’s in it for me.” If you learn how to feed this you’ll find highly motivated teens. Provide flexible scheduling and provide incentives for performance … and don’t make them wait. Instant prize programs are best. Recognize positive behaviors and catch them doing something right. Promote strong performers quickly and give them more responsibility. Patience is not a virtue with teens, so provide variety in job duties. Establish goals and empower them to come up with the answers. You’ll be surprised.
Since we are talking about attitude, what about yours? A condescending and inconsistent attitude from leaders at work will send your teen employee out the door and working down the street.
Verbal, video and visual: This age group has watched 20,000 hours of TV by the time they are 18. Over six hours per day are spent in front of a video screen. You need to use this technology to your advantage. Include some examples here, such as create a training video for your staff to watch, use computer programs to train new hires, etc.
Names are important, so use their nickname. Applications should be online and your work schedules posted on your Web site. Don’t print mounds of paper and expect the information to be read and retained. Make handbooks and memos less complicated and smaller, while focusing on the most important items for your business success. Enhance communication by using e-mail and text messaging. Create a vibrant workplace through the use of photos and videos of your employees at work and away from work.
Education … not Just training: If training is the “how,” then education is the “why.” This age group requires to know the purpose, the why, behind tasks. Never assume anything, confirm their knowledge and explain the purpose behind every task.
Parents and teachers used to prepare teens for the workplace. That does not occur at the same level as it once did. Build education into your training process and you will find longer-term, and a more committed young work force. This is the new calling for today’s teen employers.
Style matters: Style is how employees look, the image of your company and how they are treated at work. Teens care about how they look and how they’re treated. Uniforms shouldn’t embarrass your staff, and your grooming policy should be relevant. Be prepared to justify both to your employees.
Be knowledgeable of current teen trends in fashion, music and entertainment, and pay attention to the techniques and strategies utilized by retailers to get teens to spend their hard-earned money. Today’s retailers are very good at motivating teens!
Teens don’t quit companies … they quit people. As a supervisor of teens, how you carry yourself has a huge impact on performance and retention. Every manager or supervisor needs to be on board with the commitment of getting the most from your teens.
These five principles can be used as overview that will help you determine what would work best for your operation. A fresh approach in working with your teens does not mean that you need to compromise the values and principles of your business. Instead, it should provide the opportunity for you to increase your focus.
Teens can be inspired, motivated and productive. Today’s teens are the most knowledgeable and adaptive group ever. Don’t judge them through the eyes of when you were a teen … look through theirs. You have nothing to lose, everything to gain, and you’ll have a positive impact on the lives of the teenagers you employ.
About the author:
Ken Whiting is an industry expert on providing solutions for entry-level workforce challenges. His WAVES for Success program teaches companies what inspires young adults and teens to participate, contribute and excel at work. His new book, “WAVES for Teenage Workforce Success,” provides insights on recruiting, motivating and retaining. For a free copy of the “WAVES 101 Best Ways to Recruit, Retain, Educate and Motivate Today’s Teens”, visit www.WAVESforsuccess.com. For speaking and consulting, call 831-423-1890 ext.2 or e-mail ken@wavesforsuccess.com.