It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that’s because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.

For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.

As a teenager it’s almost an unwritten law to question authority and work against the parental units, because it’s cool. It’s cool because as teenagers we think that mom and dad are “square” and if you are “square”, by definition you know very little.

So now comes the dilemma –“ HOW ” can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.

So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on “automatic pilot”, so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the “teen brain” is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I’ve tried to communicate with them, but “they/ the offspring” won’t “let me in”.

I always say: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got”. Think OUTSIDE the box this time.

Create “date night”. This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:

(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other “gripe issues” they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).

(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.

(7.) if date night is say Tuesday…..make it every Tuesday.

When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to “get it together” mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.

After all, it’s not always the message they choose to ignore, it’s the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.

This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more…….because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn’t care HOW they get the message.

In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!

Whenever I talk to troubled teens about depression, lack of motivation, self-esteem, self confidence, dealing with setbacks, or even body image issues…….one thing is for certain, it’s their past……and at the present time it’s all they know. It’s all they recognize. Everything else is elusive.

On one hand it’s important to understand, appreciate and recognize where we’ve been, and on the other, we have to be open for a journey that we’ve never taken, but trust that it’s where we want to go.

It’s like the expression that the past is history, the future’s a mystery, but today is the present–open it like one..!! The assessment model we complete will address where we’ve been. For example, if a teen issue is poor grades, there is a reson (or maybe the lack thereof). It could be anything from poor attitude to poor time management, to maybe poor nutrition. Honestly, it’s almost never that they do not have the capability.

The ability to change is not in question, it’s the desire. I always say that life is like a pendulum and swings between pleasure and pain. When the pain get’s to be too much….you automatically swing the other way. The first step is acknowledgement, the second is action.

Are you ready to take action?….if YES………………..wait for tomorrow’s blog…..we’ll get started.

Many teens as well as parents approach me and ask; “Is the  Success4Teens, aka Formula for Success a self- help DVD”. Well first, one has to ask what is self- help..? When defining such a term, it’s assumed that there is something in one’s life that’s NOT working, at least not working the way they want things to work.

Troubled teens are faced with a multitude of issues, such as depression, lack of motivation, issues with their self-esteem and confidence, drugs, booze, even issues with their perception of their “body” and weight loss issues.

The DVD Success4teens covers the fundamentals of How to get it together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Each is a lesson in and of itself, and all together is like the “three legged stool”…if one leg is not working, the stool will not function.

It can be overwhelming as to exactly where to begin. The head needs to be on straight, so let’s start with the mental part. This section works with the issues of goal setting, time management, how to deal with setbacks and How to create that “all illusive” positive mental attitude.

Tomorrow we will begin at the beginning…….stay tuned….!!

I have often been asked how did I set the World Record for completing 20,100 consecutive sit-ups in 11hours and 32 minutes. There are many factors, however today I want to talk about just one of them -  proper breathing techniques and the benefits derived from them. In my DVD success4teens or Formula for Success,  I only touch upon these techniques when I did the fitness section.  I’d like to give credit to Mike Kramer for writing the following article which accurately describes the features and benefits of :

Proper Breathing

Proper breathing is an underestimated, but critical building block of good health. Slow, deep breathing gets rid of carbon dioxide waste and takes plenty of clean, fresh oxygen to your brain and muscles. More blood cells get the new, oxygen-rich air instead of the same old stale stuff. Experts estimate that proper breathing helps your body eliminate toxins 15 times faster than poor, shallow breathing. You’ll not only be healthier, but you’ll be able to perform better (mentally and physically) and, of course, be less stressed and more relaxed.

Here’s an exercise that will help you get the full benefits of good breathing. The techniques in this exercise are ones you should try to develop in your normal breathing, and that could take practice. Try to take about 10 minutes, but it can happen in five by cutting the time for each step in half. Most of it can be done anywhere you need to relax or clear your head:

1. Get Ready (2 minutes) Make the room dark, or at least darker. Lie down flat on your back, or sit against a wall. Use a pillow for comfort. Make sure no part of your body is strained or supporting weight. Close your eyes. Just pay attention to your breathing for a minute or two. Don’t try to change it, just notice how it feels. Imagine the fresh blood flowing through your body. Listen to your surroundings.
2. Stage I (2 minutes) Practice breathing in and out of your nose. Exhaling through the mouth is okay for quick relaxation, but for normal breathing, in and out the nose is best. Take long breaths, not deep breaths. Try not to force it, you shouldn’t hear your breath coming in or out. You’re drawing slow breaths, not gulping it or blowing it out. Feel the rhythm of your breathing.
3. Stage II (3 minutes) Good breathing is done through the lower torso, rather than the upper torso. Each breath should expand your belly, your lower back and ribs. Relax your shoulders and try not to breathe with your chest. Put your hands on your stomach and feel them rise and fall. If it’s not working, push down gently with your hands for a few breaths and let go. Your stomach should start to move more freely. Relax your face, your neck, your cheeks, your jaw, your temples, even your tongue.
4. Stage III (3 minutes) Feel the good air entering your lungs and feel the stale air leaving your body. “In with the good, out with the bad” is definitely true here. Make your exhale as long as your inhale to make sure all the bad air is gone. Remember, long slow breaths. Most people take 12-16 breaths per minute. Ideally, it should be 8-10. Now try to make your exhale a little longer than your inhale for a while. Pause after your exhale without taking a breath. Focus on the stillness and on not forcing an inhale. Your body will breathe when it needs to.

In my DVD success4teens aka “Formula for Success” we talk about relationships in the “Giving Back” section. In that DVD section I talk about HOW you have to love yourself first, before you can love another. The reason for this is because YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE….!!! Relationships are complex because we are not only trying to deal with “our stuff”, but we think about “their stuff” and are they feeling what we are feeling?? The best thing that an individual can do for themselves is to love themselves first, so even IF love does NOT come along, at least there is a “mini-love fest” with YOU.

I always say: ” a package attracts a package”, and “a project attracts a project”. When we find ourselves attracting the WRONG one it’s because we are not in the “same” group. Get to love YOU and you will find someone that loves THEMSELVES, and then, and only then, will you have a shot at success.

In the Formula for Success we talk about “getting healthy”, that’s an individual that has goals, has a positive mental attitude, knows how to deal with setbacks, has developed self confidence and self-esteem and compliments all this with good fitness and nutrition.

Relationships are complex at best—- tomorrow I will cover some great suggestions for healthy realtionships.

Setbacks are something that occurs in all of our lives. As I say before, if you look at my resume, it looks pretty impressive, you know as an athlete and working on Wall Street. I have been the CFO of a New York Stock Exchange company; I have been head of Mergers and Acquisitions for another NYSE company. I’ve had the ability to work in Europe and the Far East while working on the Street. But, if you looked at my list of failures, that would have been 10 times as long. Guarantee you. I probably fail four or five times before I get a hit. It’s just the way it is. But, I think what makes a difference in my life, is that, when I have a failure, let’s not call if failure, let’s call it setbacks, because a setback means you are going to continue working the issue. Failure means you quit. Big difference. A lot of teens I talk to around the country, when they get into a situation where they fail, they pack the tent, and say I’m out of here. It is never going to work again; I’m not going to do it. Kids will do that, they will pack the tent and quit.

What I am going to show you today is the process that you need to mentally think about, and remember we talked about a Positive Mental Attitude. All these are interconnected, positive mental attitude, dealing with setbacks, and goal setting. Fitness, it is all part of it; it is all part of how to become whole.

Let me talk about what I call my SARAH chart. There are many initials in that. If you can think in your life when you had a particular setback, it is kind of what happens. The first thing that happens is shock, sshhhttt, I couldn’t have got a D. There is no way. The second phase you go through is anger. This isn’t going to work. The third thing you go through is rejection. Now you feel bummed. Oh this just isn’t working out. Then you finally get into acceptance and then eventually you become healthy and happy. This is a process we all go through. This isn’t a specialized deal, we all go through it. The reason I did the first three in red is for a very specific purpose. When you are in those first three, you are like a deer in headlights. You are frozen, you are frozen in time. You cannot move, you cannot move forward. You cannot make things happen. There are a lot of people I deal with that can never get out of this phase. If you remember on our chart over here, rejection is right there on the 95% side. That’s the people that are coming from the dark. They feel rejected they want to blame. They want revenge. Those people avoid like the plague. When you are in the SAR zone, and we all go through it. How fast can you get through it? And what do you learn from it? That is what it is all about. Let me repeat that. It is how fast can you get through it and what did I learn from it.