A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S. Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.
The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”. I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ’s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.
What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!
Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!
When you are on a plane and you hit turbulence, the oxygen masks drops…….what do they say..”Always put yours on first”…..it’s the same thing, take care of YOU first….then and only then can you help someone sitting next to you…!!
It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that’s because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.
For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.
As a teenager it’s almost an unwritten law to question authority and work against the parental units, because it’s cool. It’s cool because as teenagers we think that mom and dad are “square” and if you are “square”, by definition you know very little.
So now comes the dilemma –“ HOW ” can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.
So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on “automatic pilot”, so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the “teen brain” is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I’ve tried to communicate with them, but “they/ the offspring” won’t “let me in”.
I always say: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got”. Think OUTSIDE the box this time.
Create “date night”. This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:
(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other “gripe issues” they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).
(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.
(7.) if date night is say Tuesday…..make it every Tuesday.
When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to “get it together” mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.
After all, it’s not always the message they choose to ignore, it’s the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.
This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more…….because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn’t care HOW they get the message.
In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!
Whenever I talk to troubled teens about depression, lack of motivation, self-esteem, self confidence, dealing with setbacks, or even body image issues…….one thing is for certain, it’s their past……and at the present time it’s all they know. It’s all they recognize. Everything else is elusive.
On one hand it’s important to understand, appreciate and recognize where we’ve been, and on the other, we have to be open for a journey that we’ve never taken, but trust that it’s where we want to go.
It’s like the expression that the past is history, the future’s a mystery, but today is the present–open it like one..!! The assessment model we complete will address where we’ve been. For example, if a teen issue is poor grades, there is a reson (or maybe the lack thereof). It could be anything from poor attitude to poor time management, to maybe poor nutrition. Honestly, it’s almost never that they do not have the capability.
The ability to change is not in question, it’s the desire. I always say that life is like a pendulum and swings between pleasure and pain. When the pain get’s to be too much….you automatically swing the other way. The first step is acknowledgement, the second is action.
Are you ready to take action?….if YES………………..wait for tomorrow’s blog…..we’ll get started.
Many teens as well as parents approach me and ask; “Is the Success4Teens, aka Formula for Success a self- help DVD”. Well first, one has to ask what is self- help..? When defining such a term, it’s assumed that there is something in one’s life that’s NOT working, at least not working the way they want things to work.
Troubled teens are faced with a multitude of issues, such as depression, lack of motivation, issues with their self-esteem and confidence, drugs, booze, even issues with their perception of their “body” and weight loss issues.
The DVD Success4teens covers the fundamentals of How to get it together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Each is a lesson in and of itself, and all together is like the “three legged stool”…if one leg is not working, the stool will not function.
It can be overwhelming as to exactly where to begin. The head needs to be on straight, so let’s start with the mental part. This section works with the issues of goal setting, time management, how to deal with setbacks and How to create that “all illusive” positive mental attitude.
Tomorrow we will begin at the beginning…….stay tuned….!!
I was asked recently what I thought was the most important part of my dvd “Formula for Success” and for me the answer was simple it all has to do with “attitude”.
Within the “Formula” there are two sections that deal with this topic specifically…….the first is PMA or Positive Mental Attitude and the second is Dealing with Setbacks.
The art of Happiness is born in the mind, cultured in experience and developed only by practice. William Shakespeare said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Your personal philosophy determines how you respond to events that come into your life. It is completely responsible for your state of happiness and well-being. Although you may find this a little hard to believe, your personal philosophy also determines what happens to you.
What happens to events in your life is governed by your mindset.
Think like a railroad switch. Each time an event occurs, you channel the activity onto the positive or negative track. Even though the event hurt you, you are still in charge of channeling it onto a positive or negative track…….only YOU can determine its future outcome.
Before I had this concept mastered (and I’m still working it) I would find that taking an event (say divorce) and channeling it to the negative track………would eventually have me “coming and going to the dark side. In fact, I would also get physically ill…..(see my previous blog on the importance of the body-mind connection).
So now you are saying ok Bill, “What are you suppose to do when you get divorce……party??? Well, yes in a way. To reach the goal of happiness, act as though the following statement is true: “Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me”. Like the equation of 1+1=2. That statement + new results = Happiness.
I know this seems like a lot to absorb, but trust me, working the brain is just like working any other muscle in the body. It’s choice and the decision is totally in your hands.
Always ask yourself….”Are you living or are you surviving”….!!!!
Just to recap, we have addressed what we are grateful for, we have addressed our fears, today we will address the part of the “game plan” that will address the things we have going for us, and HOW to capitalize on them.
In my DVD Success4Teens, I say that 95% of the people on the planet are NOT successful and 5% are successful. The attributes that the successful people have include but are not limited to: desire, determination, persistence, patience, great habits and hard work. So when we put a pen to paper to list our strengths, they all have to be accompanied by the aforementioned attributes.
To begin with, we have to be able to identify a “need in the marketplace”. We are about to re-invent ourselves, and we have to be able to ask WHY ! The why — will be our ability to idenity a soft spot in the marketplace that needs to be filled. AND WE ARE THE ONES TO FILL IT !!
Next, we want to surround ourselves with a Board of Advisers that will endorse or deny our plan, a type of “sound check”. These folks will be people that have experience in business and are not “YES MEN” (or women).
The best way to begin our journey is to begin with developing a Business Plan (I have an outline- if anyone needs one). This will clearly outline the strengths/weaknesses/threats/and opportunities of our new launch.
Tomorrow we will continue with the drive and determination aspects of what is needed to be successful.
A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S. Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.
The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”. I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ’s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.
What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!
Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!
Neurotransmitters are powerful chemicals that regulate varied physical and emotional processes such as cognitive and mental performance, emotional states and pain response. Just about all functions in life are controlled by neurotransmitters.
Interactions between neurotransmitters, hormones, and the brain chemicals have a profound influence on overall health and well-being. When our concentration and focus is nice, we feel additional directed, motivated, and vibrant. Sadly, if neurotransmitter levels are inadequate these energizing and motivating signals are absent and we feel additional stressed, sluggish, and out-of-control
Disrupted communication between the brain and the body will have serious effects to ones health each physically and mentally. Depression, anxiety and alternative mood disorders are considered directly connected to imbalances with neurotransmitters. Common neurotransmitters that regulate mood are Serotonin, Dopamine, and Norepinephrine.
Serotonin imbalance is one of the most common contributors to mood problems. Some feel it’s a virtual epidemic in the United States. Serotonin is vital to our feelings of happiness and very necessary for our emotions as a result of it helps defend against each anxiety and depression. You may have a shortage of serotonin if you have got a unhappy depressed mood, anxiety, panic attacks, low energy, migraines, sleeping issues, obsession or compulsions, feel tense and irritable, crave sweets, and have a reduced interest in sex. Additionally, your hormones and Estrogen levels will affect serotonin levels and this might make a case for why some women have pre-menstrual and menopausal mood problems. Moreover, stress can greatly cut back your serotonin supplies.
Dopamine and Norepinephrine are accountable for motivation, energy, interest, and drive. They are associated with positive stress states such as being in love, exercising, taking note of music, and sex. These neurotransmitters are the one’s that make you’re feeling good. When we don’t have enough of them we tend to don’t feel alive, we have difficulty initiating or completing tasks, poor concentration, no energy, and lack of motivation. Low neurotransmitter levels drive us to use medicine (self medicate) or alcohol, smoke cigarettes, gamble, and overeat. For several years, it has been known in drugs that low levels of these neurotransmitters will cause many diseases and illnesses. A neurotransmitter imbalance can cause Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, irritable bowel, hormone dysfunction, eating disorders, Fibromyalgia, obsessions, compulsions, adrenal dysfunction, chronic pain, migraine headaches, and even early death.
Tomorrow we will talk about some solutions…!!!
Yesterday we spoke about stress being very close to worries, and worries can be simple and or complex. I always say make sure your baggage has cleared customs before you take on someone else’s. It’s a little like when you are on a flight and they mention that in case of turbulence and the oxygen masks drops…….”always put yours on FIRST”.
Often times the presence of stress is the absence of a “game plan”. It is the absence of proper time management, the absence of proper goal setting, the absence of having a positive mental attitude. If you can keep yourself fully employed “doing something positive” you take away the time of being in the dark or “doing something negative” like stressing. I know this sounds easier said than done, but IF you can engage in small steps you eventually will have your action plan in place.
Someone once asked me: “Isn’t it easier to be NOT successful, rather than be successful”. I had to think about that and said NO, if you practice even one hour a day at being successful you have 7 hours of positive time under your belt at the end of the week. IF you plan on not being successful you have that on your mind 24/7 or in other words 168 hours for the week.
The teens I speak to say “taking drugs numbs the pain of stress even if it’s at the expense of their self- esteem and self confidence”. Parents with their own personal stress– combined with the stress of their kids drug use– creates what we called that “complex stress”. The right teen solution I believe is the “formula for success” DVD. This provides the education– that will create inspiration,–which in turn will create motivation toward achieving personal success .