It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that’s because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.

For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.

As a teenager it’s almost an unwritten law to question authority and work against the parental units, because it’s cool. It’s cool because as teenagers we think that mom and dad are “square” and if you are “square”, by definition you know very little.

So now comes the dilemma –“ HOW ” can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.

So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on “automatic pilot”, so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the “teen brain” is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I’ve tried to communicate with them, but “they/ the offspring” won’t “let me in”.

I always say: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got”. Think OUTSIDE the box this time.

Create “date night”. This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:

(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other “gripe issues” they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).

(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.

(7.) if date night is say Tuesday…..make it every Tuesday.

When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to “get it together” mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.

After all, it’s not always the message they choose to ignore, it’s the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.

This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more…….because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn’t care HOW they get the message.

In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!

Whenever I talk to troubled teens about depression, lack of motivation, self-esteem, self confidence, dealing with setbacks, or even body image issues…….one thing is for certain, it’s their past……and at the present time it’s all they know. It’s all they recognize. Everything else is elusive.

On one hand it’s important to understand, appreciate and recognize where we’ve been, and on the other, we have to be open for a journey that we’ve never taken, but trust that it’s where we want to go.

It’s like the expression that the past is history, the future’s a mystery, but today is the present–open it like one..!! The assessment model we complete will address where we’ve been. For example, if a teen issue is poor grades, there is a reson (or maybe the lack thereof). It could be anything from poor attitude to poor time management, to maybe poor nutrition. Honestly, it’s almost never that they do not have the capability.

The ability to change is not in question, it’s the desire. I always say that life is like a pendulum and swings between pleasure and pain. When the pain get’s to be too much….you automatically swing the other way. The first step is acknowledgement, the second is action.

Are you ready to take action?….if YES………………..wait for tomorrow’s blog…..we’ll get started.

Many teens as well as parents approach me and ask; “Is the  Success4Teens, aka Formula for Success a self- help DVD”. Well first, one has to ask what is self- help..? When defining such a term, it’s assumed that there is something in one’s life that’s NOT working, at least not working the way they want things to work.

Troubled teens are faced with a multitude of issues, such as depression, lack of motivation, issues with their self-esteem and confidence, drugs, booze, even issues with their perception of their “body” and weight loss issues.

The DVD Success4teens covers the fundamentals of How to get it together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Each is a lesson in and of itself, and all together is like the “three legged stool”…if one leg is not working, the stool will not function.

It can be overwhelming as to exactly where to begin. The head needs to be on straight, so let’s start with the mental part. This section works with the issues of goal setting, time management, how to deal with setbacks and How to create that “all illusive” positive mental attitude.

Tomorrow we will begin at the beginning…….stay tuned….!!

I was asked recently what I thought was the most important part of my dvd “Formula for Success” and for me the answer was simple it all has to do with “attitude”.

Within the “Formula” there are two sections that deal with this topic specifically…….the first is PMA or Positive Mental Attitude and the second is Dealing with Setbacks.

The art of Happiness is born in the mind, cultured in experience and developed only by practice. William Shakespeare said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Your personal philosophy determines how you respond to events that come into your life. It is completely responsible for your state of happiness and well-being. Although you may find this a little hard to believe, your personal philosophy also determines what happens to you.

What happens to events in your life is governed by your mindset.

Think like a railroad switch. Each time an event occurs, you channel the activity onto the positive or negative track. Even though the event hurt you, you are still in charge of channeling it onto a positive or negative track…….only YOU can determine its future outcome.

Before I had this concept mastered (and I’m still working it) I would find that taking an event (say divorce) and channeling it to the negative track………would eventually have me “coming and going to the dark side. In fact, I would also get physically ill…..(see my previous blog on the importance of the body-mind connection).

So now you are saying ok Bill, “What are you suppose to do when you get divorce……party???  Well, yes in a way. To reach the goal of happiness, act as though the following statement is true: “Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me”. Like the equation of 1+1=2. That statement + new results = Happiness.

I know this seems like a lot to absorb, but trust me, working the brain is just like working any other muscle in the body. It’s choice and the decision is totally in your hands.

Always ask yourself….”Are you living or are you surviving”….!!!!

I hate to admit this, but I was way beyond my teen years when I discovered the connection between the mind (my thoughts) and the body (getting sick). I am happy to say I have not been sick for twenty (20) years and have had NO medication (other than an occasional aspirin) in my body.

In my blog I talk about the need for a PMA or positive mental attitude, but today I want to talk about the basics for teens to develop great “emotional health”.

Teens with good emotional health are aware of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. They have learned healthy ways to cope with the stress and problems that are a normal part of life. They feel good about themselves and have healthy relationships.

However, many things that happen in our lives that can disrupt our emotional health and lead to strong feelings of sadness, stress or anxiety. Like coping with divorce in the family, grades, not being popular, not having friends, not happy with your body image, not knowing where you are headed in life.

Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. This is often called the “mind/body connection.” When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right. For example, high blood pressure or a stomach ulcer might develop after a particularly stressful event, such as the death of a family member.

Poor emotional health can weaken your body’s immune system, making you more likely to get colds and other infections during emotionally difficult times. Also, when you are feeling stressed, anxious or upset, you may not take care of your health as well as you should. You may not feel like exercising, eating nutritious foods or taking medicine that your doctor prescribes. Abuse of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs may also be a sign of poor emotional health.

If you’re negative feelings don’t go away and are so strong that they keep you from enjoying life, it’s especially important for you to talk to your doctor. You may have what doctors call “major depression.” Depression is a medical illness that can be treated with individualized counseling, medicine or with both.

Some Solutions

First, try to recognize your emotions and understand why you are having them. Sorting out the causes of sadness, stress and anxiety in your life can help you manage your emotional health. The following are some other helpful tips.

Express your feelings in appropriate ways. If feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety are causing physical problems, keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse. It’s OK to let your loved ones know when something is bothering you. However, keep in mind that your family and friends may not be able to help you deal with your feelings appropriately. At these times, ask someone outside the situation–such as your family doctor, a counselor or a religious advisor–for advice and support to help you improve your emotional health.

Live a balanced life. Try not to obsess about the problems at school or home that lead to negative feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy when you feel stressed, anxious or upset. It’s important to deal with these negative feelings, but try to focus on the positive things in your life too. You may want to use a journal to keep track of things that make you feel happy or peaceful. Some research has shown that having a positive outlook can improve your quality of life and give your health a boost. You may also need to find ways to let go of some things in your life that make you feel stressed and overwhelmed. Make time for things you enjoy.

Develop resilience. People with resilience are able to cope with stress in a healthy way. Resilience can be learned and strengthened with different strategies. These include having social support, keeping a positive view of yourself, accepting change, and keeping things in perspective.

Calm your mind and body. Relaxation methods, such as meditation, are useful ways to bring your emotions into balance. Meditation is a form of guided thought. It can take many forms. For example, you may do it by exercising, stretching or breathing deeply.

Take care of yourself. To have good emotional health, it’s important to take care of your body by having a regular routine for eating healthy meals, getting enough sleep and exercising to relieve pent-up tension. Avoid overeating and don’t abuse drugs or alcohol. Using drugs or alcohol just causes other problems, such as family and health problems.

A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S.  Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.

The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”.  I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ’s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.

What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of  “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!

Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are  proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!

I hate to admit this, but I was way beyond my teen years when I discovered the connection between the mind (my thoughts) and the body (getting sick). I am happy to say I have not been sick for twenty (20) years and have had NO medication (other than an occasional aspirin) in my body.

In my blog I talk about the need for a PMA or positive mental attitude, but today I want to talk about the basics for teens to develop great “emotional health”.

Teens with good emotional health are aware of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. They have learned healthy ways to cope with the stress and problems that are a normal part of life. They feel good about themselves and have healthy relationships.

However, many things that happen in our lives that can disrupt our emotional health and lead to strong feelings of sadness, stress or anxiety. Like coping with divorce in the family, grades, not being popular, not having friends, not happy with your body image, not knowing where you are headed in life.

Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. This is often called the “mind/body connection.” When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right. For example, high blood pressure or a stomach ulcer might develop after a particularly stressful event, such as the death of a family member.

Poor emotional health can weaken your body’s immune system, making you more likely to get colds and other infections during emotionally difficult times. Also, when you are feeling stressed, anxious or upset, you may not take care of your health as well as you should. You may not feel like exercising, eating nutritious foods or taking medicine that your doctor prescribes. Abuse of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs may also be a sign of poor emotional health.

If you’re negative feelings don’t go away and are so strong that they keep you from enjoying life, it’s especially important for you to talk to your doctor. You may have what doctors call “major depression.” Depression is a medical illness that can be treated with individualized counseling, medicine or with both.

Some Solutions

First, try to recognize your emotions and understand why you are having them. Sorting out the causes of sadness, stress and anxiety in your life can help you manage your emotional health. The following are some other helpful tips.

Express your feelings in appropriate ways. If feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety are causing physical problems, keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse. It’s OK to let your loved ones know when something is bothering you. However, keep in mind that your family and friends may not be able to help you deal with your feelings appropriately. At these times, ask someone outside the situation–such as your family doctor, a counselor or a religious advisor–for advice and support to help you improve your emotional health.

Live a balanced life. Try not to obsess about the problems at school or home that lead to negative feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy when you feel stressed, anxious or upset. It’s important to deal with these negative feelings, but try to focus on the positive things in your life too. You may want to use a journal to keep track of things that make you feel happy or peaceful. Some research has shown that having a positive outlook can improve your quality of life and give your health a boost. You may also need to find ways to let go of some things in your life that make you feel stressed and overwhelmed. Make time for things you enjoy.

Develop resilience. People with resilience are able to cope with stress in a healthy way. Resilience can be learned and strengthened with different strategies. These include having social support, keeping a positive view of yourself, accepting change, and keeping things in perspective.

Calm your mind and body. Relaxation methods, such as meditation, are useful ways to bring your emotions into balance. Meditation is a form of guided thought. It can take many forms. For example, you may do it by exercising, stretching or breathing deeply.

Take care of yourself. To have good emotional health, it’s important to take care of your body by having a regular routine for eating healthy meals, getting enough sleep and exercising to relieve pent-up tension. Avoid overeating and don’t abuse drugs or alcohol. Using drugs or alcohol just causes other problems, such as family and health problems.

This morning I was speaking with my friend Sandra about the concept of stress. To her credit, she said we should give the old word more meaning, so we decided that the new word  will be “worries”.

We seem to worry about everything, money, health, kids, relationships, and it goes on and on. I often say whatever the mind can conceive it can achieve. That also goes for worries. We not only worry about everything — but we also seem to prioritize our worries, they seem to get a number, like 1 through 100.  This is what I call singular stress. It goes to complex stress  when you take on yours– as well as someone else’s at the same time. What I call “data overload”.

Stress and or worries are all relative. We live in our own world and work within those boundries. Imagine you live in Haiti, I guarantee your priorities would be different, say food, water and shelter.

OK, so now you are saying, great, I agree, but what am I to do about my stress. In my DVD, Success4Teens, I talk about “control what you can control, and don’t worry about what you can’t control”. The mind is the most powerful muscle in the body. Creating a PMA or positive mental attitude is the “start key”. Everything starts with the mind………tomorrow I will give you some great tips…..and NO- drugs are NOT involved.

I was asked recently what I thought was the most important part of my dvd “Formula for Success” and for me the answer was simple it all has to do with “attitude”.

Within the “Formula” there are two sections that deal with this topic specifically…….the first is PMA or Positive Mental Attitude and the second is Dealing with Setbacks.

The art of Happiness is born in the mind, cultured in experience and developed only by practice. William Shakespeare said: “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. Your personal philosophy determines how you respond to events that come into your life. It is completely responsible for your state of happiness and well-being. Although you may find this a little hard to believe, your personal philosophy also determines what happens to you.

What happens to events in your life is governed by your mindset.

Think like a railroad switch. Each time an event occurs, you channel the activity onto the positive or negative track. Even though the event hurt you, you are still in charge of channeling it onto a positive or negative track…….only YOU can determine its future outcome.

Before I had this concept mastered (and I’m still working it) I would find that taking an event (say divorce) and channeling it to the negative track………would eventually have me “coming and going to the dark side. In fact, I would also get physically ill…..(and we will address the importance of the body-mind connection later).

So now you are saying ok Bill, “What are you suppose to do when you get divorce……party???  Well, yes in a way. To reach the goal of happiness, act as though the following statement is true: “Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me”. Like the equation of 1+1=2. That statement + new results = Happiness.

I know this seems like a lot to absorb, but trust me, working the brain is just like working any other muscle in the body. It’s choice and the decision is totally in your hands.

In my DVD success4teens aka “Formula for Success” we talk about relationships in the “Giving Back” section. In that DVD section I talk about HOW you have to love yourself first, before you can love another. The reason for this is because YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO GIVE….!!! Relationships are complex because we are not only trying to deal with “our stuff”, but we think about “their stuff” and are they feeling what we are feeling?? The best thing that an individual can do for themselves is to love themselves first, so even IF love does NOT come along, at least there is a “mini-love fest” with YOU.

I always say: ” a package attracts a package”, and “a project attracts a project”. When we find ourselves attracting the WRONG one it’s because we are not in the “same” group. Get to love YOU and you will find someone that loves THEMSELVES, and then, and only then, will you have a shot at success.

In the Formula for Success we talk about “getting healthy”, that’s an individual that has goals, has a positive mental attitude, knows how to deal with setbacks, has developed self confidence and self-esteem and compliments all this with good fitness and nutrition.

Relationships are complex at best—- tomorrow I will cover some great suggestions for healthy realtionships.