It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that’s because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.
For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.
As a teenager it’s almost an unwritten law to question authority and work against the parental units, because it’s cool. It’s cool because as teenagers we think that mom and dad are “square” and if you are “square”, by definition you know very little.
So now comes the dilemma –“ HOW ” can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.
So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on “automatic pilot”, so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the “teen brain” is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I’ve tried to communicate with them, but “they/ the offspring” won’t “let me in”.
I always say: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got”. Think OUTSIDE the box this time.
Create “date night”. This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:
(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other “gripe issues” they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).
(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.
(7.) if date night is say Tuesday…..make it every Tuesday.
When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to “get it together” mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.
After all, it’s not always the message they choose to ignore, it’s the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.
This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more…….because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn’t care HOW they get the message.
In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!
Whenever I talk to troubled teens about depression, lack of motivation, self-esteem, self confidence, dealing with setbacks, or even body image issues…….one thing is for certain, it’s their past……and at the present time it’s all they know. It’s all they recognize. Everything else is elusive.
On one hand it’s important to understand, appreciate and recognize where we’ve been, and on the other, we have to be open for a journey that we’ve never taken, but trust that it’s where we want to go.
It’s like the expression that the past is history, the future’s a mystery, but today is the present–open it like one..!! The assessment model we complete will address where we’ve been. For example, if a teen issue is poor grades, there is a reson (or maybe the lack thereof). It could be anything from poor attitude to poor time management, to maybe poor nutrition. Honestly, it’s almost never that they do not have the capability.
The ability to change is not in question, it’s the desire. I always say that life is like a pendulum and swings between pleasure and pain. When the pain get’s to be too much….you automatically swing the other way. The first step is acknowledgement, the second is action.
Are you ready to take action?….if YES………………..wait for tomorrow’s blog…..we’ll get started.
Many teens as well as parents approach me and ask; “Is the Success4Teens, aka Formula for Success a self- help DVD”. Well first, one has to ask what is self- help..? When defining such a term, it’s assumed that there is something in one’s life that’s NOT working, at least not working the way they want things to work.
Troubled teens are faced with a multitude of issues, such as depression, lack of motivation, issues with their self-esteem and confidence, drugs, booze, even issues with their perception of their “body” and weight loss issues.
The DVD Success4teens covers the fundamentals of How to get it together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Each is a lesson in and of itself, and all together is like the “three legged stool”…if one leg is not working, the stool will not function.
It can be overwhelming as to exactly where to begin. The head needs to be on straight, so let’s start with the mental part. This section works with the issues of goal setting, time management, how to deal with setbacks and How to create that “all illusive” positive mental attitude.
Tomorrow we will begin at the beginning…….stay tuned….!!
Just to recap, we have addressed what we are grateful for, we have addressed our fears, today we will address the part of the “game plan” that will address the things we have going for us, and HOW to capitalize on them.
In my DVD Success4Teens, I say that 95% of the people on the planet are NOT successful and 5% are successful. The attributes that the successful people have include but are not limited to: desire, determination, persistence, patience, great habits and hard work. So when we put a pen to paper to list our strengths, they all have to be accompanied by the aforementioned attributes.
To begin with, we have to be able to identify a “need in the marketplace”. We are about to re-invent ourselves, and we have to be able to ask WHY ! The why — will be our ability to idenity a soft spot in the marketplace that needs to be filled. AND WE ARE THE ONES TO FILL IT !!
Next, we want to surround ourselves with a Board of Advisers that will endorse or deny our plan, a type of “sound check”. These folks will be people that have experience in business and are not “YES MEN” (or women).
The best way to begin our journey is to begin with developing a Business Plan (I have an outline- if anyone needs one). This will clearly outline the strengths/weaknesses/threats/and opportunities of our new launch.
Tomorrow we will continue with the drive and determination aspects of what is needed to be successful.
We left off with the understanding of the things we are grateful for, once we have accomplished this list we are ready to move forward with our “game plan”. Our game plan involves understanding , appreciating and executing the two forces that will make us successful at reinventing ourselves. One of these forces is coming from the “light” (positive) and the other is coming from the “dark” (negative).
To begin with I always use the expression: “If you always do, what you have always done, you’ll always get, what you’ve always got”. Let’s acknowledge we want something different, because whatever we had AIN”T WORKING…!!
Let’s get the negative out of the way today…!! I think the biggest obstacle from the dark side is FEAR. Yes, fear of doing something that we won’t be successful at accomplishing. Oddly enough, it can also be fear of “succeeding” and making it happen. In both cases it is the fear of the “unknown”….what’s actually behind the door. FEAR is paralyzing, it stops us in our tracks. It inhibits inspiration, motivation and drive.
AS I mentioned in my DVD Success4teens, under the “Dealing with Setbacks” Section….we all live in our own “comfort circles” where it’s like a warm blanket. However, in this world, IF we are to be successful at anything, we have to take RISKS…..and that means stepping outside our comfort circle where it’s cold. There are no options.
So for today, let’s examine our own FEARS, and put pen to paper and write them down. This is important because tomorrow we are going to take this list and invert these fears into opportunities…….STAY TUNED…!!!!
A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S. Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.
The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”. I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ’s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.
What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!
Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!
Success for teens covers a multitude of issues and emotions. One of the things that teens need for proper growth is compassion and empathy. These are learned behaviors that surface through example, Just Stay is just that example. I thank you Steve for your friendship.
Just Stay
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
“Your son is here,” she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent.. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man’s limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man’s hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital – the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients..
Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
“Who was that man?” he asked.
The nurse was startled, “He was your father,” she answered.
“No, he wasn’t,” the Marine replied. “I never saw him before in my life..”
“Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?”
“I knew right away there had been a mistake,
but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn’t here.When I realized that he was too sick to tell
whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed.”I came here tonight to
find a Mr. William Grey. His Son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform him. What was this Gentleman’s Name?
The Nurse with Tears in Her Eyes Answered,
Mr. William Grey………….
The next time someone needs you …….. just be there. Stay.
Yesterday we spoke about stress being very close to worries, and worries can be simple and or complex. I always say make sure your baggage has cleared customs before you take on someone else’s. It’s a little like when you are on a flight and they mention that in case of turbulence and the oxygen masks drops…….”always put yours on FIRST”.
Often times the presence of stress is the absence of a “game plan”. It is the absence of proper time management, the absence of proper goal setting, the absence of having a positive mental attitude. If you can keep yourself fully employed “doing something positive” you take away the time of being in the dark or “doing something negative” like stressing. I know this sounds easier said than done, but IF you can engage in small steps you eventually will have your action plan in place.
Someone once asked me: “Isn’t it easier to be NOT successful, rather than be successful”. I had to think about that and said NO, if you practice even one hour a day at being successful you have 7 hours of positive time under your belt at the end of the week. IF you plan on not being successful you have that on your mind 24/7 or in other words 168 hours for the week.
The teens I speak to say “taking drugs numbs the pain of stress even if it’s at the expense of their self- esteem and self confidence”. Parents with their own personal stress– combined with the stress of their kids drug use– creates what we called that “complex stress”. The right teen solution I believe is the “formula for success” DVD. This provides the education– that will create inspiration,–which in turn will create motivation toward achieving personal success .
I will be speaking at Cal State Fullerton in April. The topic is: “Stress & Success in Family Life”. Some might think these are unrelated topics and some might see these as “one and the same”. My belief is that most stress is due to the lack of 1. effective personal time management, 2. setting and executing proper attainable goals,3. knowing HOW to deal with setbacks, and 4. having or knowing HOW to create a PMA or positive mental attitude.
In my dvd “Formula for Success” aka Success4teens, I examine success from three perspectives and refer this to a “3 legged stool” (Mental, Physical and Spiritual). What happens if one of the legs is missing….right- it won’t stand. Well, the aforementioned, covers the mental part….HOW to SET the MIND up…!!
Speaking Engagement
Speaker: Bill Morris – CEO – Success4Teens.com
Place: Cal State Fullerton
When: April 13th – Tuesday
Time: 2:30 -3:45pm
Topic: “Stress & Success in Family Life”
Department of Child and Adolescent Studies at Cal State Fullerton. The course, titled “Child, Family, & Community”, provides an exploration of relationships, including interpersonal relationships, and linkages between children, families, and community systems; influences of age, gender, diverse abilities, culture, race, ethnicity, socio-economic and public policy factors; and community resources available to support families. The over-arching perspective of this course is “everything happens in a context.”
Bill’s Bio
BIO
Bill Morris
Bill grew up just outside of New York City. He completed his undergraduate degree in Finance at Boston College and his graduate MBA at Manhattan College in International Business.
By his early thirties he was chosen to become the International Controller of one of the top tier Investment Banks on Wall Street – Kidder Peabody, responsible for all financial and operational activity in London, Paris, Geneva, Zurich, Tokyo and Hong Kong.
It was during this time of his career that his two sons were born and he also became involved with the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Bill became an Executive Board member and “fundraiser” for the Foundation, and began his “enhanced-career” helping kids. Bill created, conducted and was the prime participant in a “Sit-Up-a-thon” to raise funds for terminally ill children for five consecutive years while on Wall Street.
Bill set a World Record for completing 20,100 consecutive sit-ups in 11 hours and 32 minutes. This led to Bill speaking at High Schools and Universities on fitness. Bill wanted to reach all kids, not just athletes, and so designed a program called “Formula for Success”. This program shows all kids, how to get it together mentally, physically and spiritually.
For the past twenty years Bill has been speaking, educating and motivating audiences from kids incarcerated, in rehab, foster homes, “half-way homes”, Boys and Girls Clubs, Big Brothers and Sisters, obese camps, continuation high schools, to speaking at The World Drug Conference, West Point and Stanford University.
His motto in life is “learn, earn and return”, and with that in mind, has created a lofty goal to try and reach the 30 millions kids in the USA with his message and “game plan”. Bill recently created a DVD called Success4Teens. His company website is www.success4teens.com .