A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S. Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.
The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”. I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ’s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.
What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!
Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!
When you are on a plane and you hit turbulence, the oxygen masks drops…….what do they say..”Always put yours on first”…..it’s the same thing, take care of YOU first….then and only then can you help someone sitting next to you…!!
It seems that since the beginning of time there seems to be a communication failure between the parental unit (mom & dad) and their offspring (son/daughter). Well, that’s because parents and kids, (a) speak different languages, and (b) have different needs, wants and desires.
For example, as a parent I might be concerned with paying my mortgage and getting along with my spouse, as a teenager I might be concerned about purchasing the next Snoop Dogg or Coldplay CD or possibly getting hold of the new Grand Theft Auto video game.
As a teenager it’s almost an unwritten law to question authority and work against the parental units, because it’s cool. It’s cool because as teenagers we think that mom and dad are “square” and if you are “square”, by definition you know very little.
So now comes the dilemma –“ HOW ” can I reach my kid and impart some common sense into their brain. Well, forget it. The harder we try the less we have to show for it and the more frustration we create for ourselves, which in turn effects us in a negative way. That negative effect snowballs and we are worse off than when we started.
So what is a parent to do? The reality is that our offspring is actually on “automatic pilot”, so, we as parents need to come in from another angle. We need to learn their language and we need to understand their needs. One thing most parents forget is that the “teen brain” is still developing and will until they are in their early twenties. You are saying I’ve tried to communicate with them, but “they/ the offspring” won’t “let me in”.
I always say: “If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you always got”. Think OUTSIDE the box this time.
Create “date night”. This is a night where one parental unit goes out for dinner with one offspring. The rules are simple:
(1.) the parental unit does not talk about school or the myriad of other “gripe issues” they have with the offspring
(2.) the parental unit only talks about how much he/she loves the offspring, no matter what ever happens in life
(3.) the parental unit endorses the fact that he/she knows the offspring will be successful regardless of whatever he/she does in life
(4.) the parental unit does not have an agenda, but rather is there to listen, and on date #1 there might not be that much to listen to.
(5.) the parental unit explains that the offspring can talk about anything they want without fear of reprisal (and mean it).
(6.) the parental unit will share some vulnerabilities (I know this is hard- but necessary ) like something about his/her job they are concerned with that the offspring did not know and maybe his/her spouse does not even know.
(7.) if date night is say Tuesday…..make it every Tuesday.
When I created the DVD Success4teens, a DVD showing kids HOW to “get it together” mentally, physically and spiritually, it was designed from the heart and soul of the parental unit.
After all, it’s not always the message they choose to ignore, it’s the messenger. Let me that messenger. Even if we say the same thing, they might be enamored with my background on Wall Street or that I hold a World Record in fitness.
This DVD is everything we want to say to our kids and more…….because we love them more than life itself, we want the best for them and shouldn’t care HOW they get the message.
In our heart and soul we know their success is our happiness!
Whenever I talk to troubled teens about depression, lack of motivation, self-esteem, self confidence, dealing with setbacks, or even body image issues…….one thing is for certain, it’s their past……and at the present time it’s all they know. It’s all they recognize. Everything else is elusive.
On one hand it’s important to understand, appreciate and recognize where we’ve been, and on the other, we have to be open for a journey that we’ve never taken, but trust that it’s where we want to go.
It’s like the expression that the past is history, the future’s a mystery, but today is the present–open it like one..!! The assessment model we complete will address where we’ve been. For example, if a teen issue is poor grades, there is a reson (or maybe the lack thereof). It could be anything from poor attitude to poor time management, to maybe poor nutrition. Honestly, it’s almost never that they do not have the capability.
The ability to change is not in question, it’s the desire. I always say that life is like a pendulum and swings between pleasure and pain. When the pain get’s to be too much….you automatically swing the other way. The first step is acknowledgement, the second is action.
Are you ready to take action?….if YES………………..wait for tomorrow’s blog…..we’ll get started.
Many teens as well as parents approach me and ask; “Is the Success4Teens, aka Formula for Success a self- help DVD”. Well first, one has to ask what is self- help..? When defining such a term, it’s assumed that there is something in one’s life that’s NOT working, at least not working the way they want things to work.
Troubled teens are faced with a multitude of issues, such as depression, lack of motivation, issues with their self-esteem and confidence, drugs, booze, even issues with their perception of their “body” and weight loss issues.
The DVD Success4teens covers the fundamentals of How to get it together, mentally, physically and spiritually. Each is a lesson in and of itself, and all together is like the “three legged stool”…if one leg is not working, the stool will not function.
It can be overwhelming as to exactly where to begin. The head needs to be on straight, so let’s start with the mental part. This section works with the issues of goal setting, time management, how to deal with setbacks and How to create that “all illusive” positive mental attitude.
Tomorrow we will begin at the beginning…….stay tuned….!!
I hate to admit this, but I was way beyond my teen years when I discovered the connection between the mind (my thoughts) and the body (getting sick). I am happy to say I have not been sick for twenty (20) years and have had NO medication (other than an occasional aspirin) in my body.
In my blog I talk about the need for a PMA or positive mental attitude, but today I want to talk about the basics for teens to develop great “emotional health”.
Teens with good emotional health are aware of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. They have learned healthy ways to cope with the stress and problems that are a normal part of life. They feel good about themselves and have healthy relationships.
However, many things that happen in our lives that can disrupt our emotional health and lead to strong feelings of sadness, stress or anxiety. Like coping with divorce in the family, grades, not being popular, not having friends, not happy with your body image, not knowing where you are headed in life.
Your body responds to the way you think, feel and act. This is often called the “mind/body connection.” When you are stressed, anxious or upset, your body tries to tell you that something isn’t right. For example, high blood pressure or a stomach ulcer might develop after a particularly stressful event, such as the death of a family member.
Poor emotional health can weaken your body’s immune system, making you more likely to get colds and other infections during emotionally difficult times. Also, when you are feeling stressed, anxious or upset, you may not take care of your health as well as you should. You may not feel like exercising, eating nutritious foods or taking medicine that your doctor prescribes. Abuse of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs may also be a sign of poor emotional health.
If you’re negative feelings don’t go away and are so strong that they keep you from enjoying life, it’s especially important for you to talk to your doctor. You may have what doctors call “major depression.” Depression is a medical illness that can be treated with individualized counseling, medicine or with both.
Some Solutions
First, try to recognize your emotions and understand why you are having them. Sorting out the causes of sadness, stress and anxiety in your life can help you manage your emotional health. The following are some other helpful tips.
Express your feelings in appropriate ways. If feelings of stress, sadness or anxiety are causing physical problems, keeping these feelings inside can make you feel worse. It’s OK to let your loved ones know when something is bothering you. However, keep in mind that your family and friends may not be able to help you deal with your feelings appropriately. At these times, ask someone outside the situation–such as your family doctor, a counselor or a religious advisor–for advice and support to help you improve your emotional health.
Live a balanced life. Try not to obsess about the problems at school or home that lead to negative feelings. This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy when you feel stressed, anxious or upset. It’s important to deal with these negative feelings, but try to focus on the positive things in your life too. You may want to use a journal to keep track of things that make you feel happy or peaceful. Some research has shown that having a positive outlook can improve your quality of life and give your health a boost. You may also need to find ways to let go of some things in your life that make you feel stressed and overwhelmed. Make time for things you enjoy.
Develop resilience. People with resilience are able to cope with stress in a healthy way. Resilience can be learned and strengthened with different strategies. These include having social support, keeping a positive view of yourself, accepting change, and keeping things in perspective.
Calm your mind and body. Relaxation methods, such as meditation, are useful ways to bring your emotions into balance. Meditation is a form of guided thought. It can take many forms. For example, you may do it by exercising, stretching or breathing deeply.
Take care of yourself. To have good emotional health, it’s important to take care of your body by having a regular routine for eating healthy meals, getting enough sleep and exercising to relieve pent-up tension. Avoid overeating and don’t abuse drugs or alcohol. Using drugs or alcohol just causes other problems, such as family and health problems.
We left off with the understanding of the things we are grateful for, once we have accomplished this list we are ready to move forward with our “game plan”. Our game plan involves understanding , appreciating and executing the two forces that will make us successful at reinventing ourselves. One of these forces is coming from the “light” (positive) and the other is coming from the “dark” (negative).
To begin with I always use the expression: “If you always do, what you have always done, you’ll always get, what you’ve always got”. Let’s acknowledge we want something different, because whatever we had AIN”T WORKING…!!
Let’s get the negative out of the way today…!! I think the biggest obstacle from the dark side is FEAR. Yes, fear of doing something that we won’t be successful at accomplishing. Oddly enough, it can also be fear of “succeeding” and making it happen. In both cases it is the fear of the “unknown”….what’s actually behind the door. FEAR is paralyzing, it stops us in our tracks. It inhibits inspiration, motivation and drive.
AS I mentioned in my DVD Success4teens, under the “Dealing with Setbacks” Section….we all live in our own “comfort circles” where it’s like a warm blanket. However, in this world, IF we are to be successful at anything, we have to take RISKS…..and that means stepping outside our comfort circle where it’s cold. There are no options.
So for today, let’s examine our own FEARS, and put pen to paper and write them down. This is important because tomorrow we are going to take this list and invert these fears into opportunities…….STAY TUNED…!!!!
The measure of a man is determined by the compassion and empathy he has for the less fortunate. Often time we read about teens being mean to other kids, but all too often there are stories that balance those out. This is one of them forwarded to me by my brother Mark who I thank and love dearly. I think compassion is birthed in the heart and soul and is feed by a strong belief in oneself and doing the right thing. Strong self confidence and a sense of self esteem are the fundamental cornerstones to this building. Enjoy “Two Choices”.
|
Two Choices
What would you do?….you make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line, there isn’t one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice? At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question: ‘When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?’ The audience was stilled by the query. The father continued. ‘I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.’ Then he told the following story: Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, ‘Do you think they’ll let me play?’ I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps. I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, ‘We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.’ Shay struggled over to the team’s bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do the others let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay’s life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman’s head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, ‘Shay, run to first! Run to first!’ Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, ‘Run to second, run to second!’ Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home. All were screaming, ‘Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay’ Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, ‘Run to third! Shay, run to third!’ As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, ‘Shay, run home! Run home!’ Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team ‘That day’, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, ’the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world’. Shay didn’t make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day ! AND NOW A LITTLE FOOT NOTE TO THIS STORY: We all can make a difference.We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the ‘natural order of things.’ So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice: Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up those opportunities and leave the world a little bit colder in the process? A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it’s least fortunate amongst them. |
A few days ago a mom wrote to me and asked where and when I was speaking in Southern California. I informed her that I was speaking at Creekside H.S. Leadership Academy in Irvine and also Cal State Fullerton over the next few weeks.
The mom also thought that her daughter might not watch the Success4Teens DVD if she gave it to her, but that she might be more inclined to watch it in a “group setting”. I agreed with the mom that it was highly unlikely that her daughter would watch it for two specific reasons. 1.) it was provided by “the parental unit” therefore no good, and 2.) she ’s not motivated to succeed- only her mother is.
What’s more important was exploring the “group setting”. This is where I need to be real clear. My belief (as covered in my Success4Teens DVD) is that 95% of the people on the planet are not successful, and that’s because they are part of “the herd” or the “group setting”. And as we always said on Wall Street, the herd gets slaughtered”…!!!
Success, in my opinion, is very INDIVIDUALISTIC”. The success principles I laid out in “Formula for Success” aka. Success4Teens are for individuals to execute – NOT groups. The rules for success are proper time management, goal setting, knowing HOW to deal with setbacks and HOW to create a positive mental attitude…..these are done on an individual basis not a group basis. The DVD Success4Teens is meant to educate first, then inspire. Motivation comes when the individual employs the principles…!!!!
Success for teens covers a multitude of issues and emotions. One of the things that teens need for proper growth is compassion and empathy. These are learned behaviors that surface through example, Just Stay is just that example. I thank you Steve for your friendship.
Just Stay
A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
“Your son is here,” she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient’s eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent.. He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around the old man’s limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.
The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the poorly lighted ward, holding the old man’s hand and offering him words of love and strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move away and rest awhile.
He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital – the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other patients..
Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all through the night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died. The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he waited.
Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but the Marine interrupted her.
“Who was that man?” he asked.
The nurse was startled, “He was your father,” she answered.
“No, he wasn’t,” the Marine replied. “I never saw him before in my life..”
“Then why didn’t you say something when I took you to him?”
“I knew right away there had been a mistake,
but I also knew he needed his son, and his son just wasn’t here.When I realized that he was too sick to tell
whether or not I was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed.”I came here tonight to
find a Mr. William Grey. His Son was Killed in Iraq today, and I was sent to inform him. What was this Gentleman’s Name?
The Nurse with Tears in Her Eyes Answered,
Mr. William Grey………….
The next time someone needs you …….. just be there. Stay.
Causes
What causes neurotransmitter dysfunction?
• Prolonged periods of stress can deplete neurotransmitters levels. Our fast paced, fast food society greatly contributes to those imbalances.
• Poor Diet. Neurotransmitters are made within the body from proteins. Additionally, we need vitamins and minerals. If your nutrition is poor and you are not absorbing enough protein, vitamins, or minerals to build the neurotransmitters, a neurotransmitter imbalance develops.
• Genetic factors, faulty metabolism, and digestive issues will impair absorption and breakdown of our food which reduces are ability to make neurotransmitters.
• Toxic substances like significant metals, pesticides, drug use, and a few pharmaceuticals can cause permanent harm to the nerves that build neurotransmitters.
• Medicine and substances like caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, NutraSweet, antidepressants, and some cholesterol lowering medications deplete neurotransmitter levels resulting in neurotransmitter imbalances.
• Hormone changes can also cause neurotransmitter imbalances.
Testing
Testing is currently accessible to detect Neurotransmitter Imbalances.
Basing a treatment on symptoms alone (traditional medication) will not provide the data needed to handle the underlying imbalance. A visit to a doctor or practitioners office for depression involves telling them how you have been feeling emotionally. The everyday depressed person leaves the office with a prescription for an antidepressant without ever having any conclusive laboratory evidence of what is inflicting their symptoms. New subtle equipment and tests are now accessible to gauge neurotransmitter imbalances using a urine or blood sample. This provides a neurotransmitter baseline assessment and is helpful in determining the root causes for diseases and sicknesses such as those mentioned above. Laboratory analysis will now give precise info on neurotransmitter deficiencies or overloads, plus detect hormonal and nutrient co-factor imbalances that influence neurotransmitter production. We all require individual solutions. Testing helps to work out precisely IF neurotransmitters are out of balance and what helps to work out which therapies for an individualized treatment plan. It also helps in monitoring the effectiveness of treatment.
Treatment
Nutrient therapies can help recognize which neurotransmitters an individual might be deficient in. Studies have shown that these therapies are safe and effective.
Prescription drugs like antidepressants do not increase the general range of neurotransmitter molecules in your brain, they just move them around or stop the breakdown. If your levels are too low to start out with, medication could work initially, then “poop out” or not work from the beginning. There are additional side-effects and more importantly the FDA is warning that certain antidepressants could cause suicidal thoughts in some youngsters, teens and adults.
There are specialized nutrient formulas which help antidepressant medications work more effectively if under the supervision of a trained practitioner. Several antidepressant or anti-anxiety medications just target one neurotransmitter, however, many mental health disorders involve multiple neurotransmitters.
If you’re looking for a way to finally rid yourself of the life destroying symptoms of panic and anxiety disorder, visit stop panic attacks. Uncover the truth about anxiety and stop panic attacks that multi-billion dollar drug companies don’t want you to find out… and learn how to stop panic attacks and anxiety attacks naturally, for good. Check out this site: stop panic attacks.